Tag Archive for people

Feeling Lonely Help

Cause: Low self esteem, divorce, a relationship break-up or life circumstances that cause you to become cut off from other people.

Effect: Feeling isolated, empty and disconnected from others and the world around you. You might also feel abandoned, insecure, anxious, depressed, hopeless and resentful.

Solutions: Therapy will help you to understand why you are lonely, and teach you how to get rid of negative thoughts. Group therapy may also be helpful. Hypnosis or anti-depressants can help you to break the cycle. Join a club that interests you in order to meet likeminded people. Getting a pet will also provide you with company and something to focus on.

If you feel that you have nobody to talk to and your life feels empty then there are certain things you can do to get yourself out of this emotional black hole.

Many people that suffer from feeling lonely also suffer from low self-esteem. There is no easy way around this and if you want to overcome feeling lonely, then you have to work hard to get yourself out of it.

When I first moved to the UK some sixteen years ago, the feeling of loneliness was totally overpowering. I was happily married, but stuck in the house all day whilst my husband was at work. I ended up sitting in front of the telly and watching every soap opera going, whilst eating a copious amount of unhealthy food. I knew nobody apart from my English husband and I felt totally isolated. I realised that the only person to get myself out of the situation I was in was myself.

So, I enrolled in a full-time business course at a local college and it changed everything around. Suddenly, I was meeting people every day and I was quickly making friends.

As life goes by, we never find ourselves in the same situation. You may split up with your partner or suffer an illness. Life can throw lots of surprises your way, but there are ways of combating feeling lonely and I have listed some points below, which has over the years helped me getting out of feeling lonely:

  • Smile! My grandmother always used to say that ‘life is too short to go around looking miserable – you will have a much better chance of getting to talk to someone if you have a cheerful disposition’. Lets face it, nobody wants to be around someone who is miserable, so although you are not feeling 100% cheerful, put on a smile and be friendly with whomever you meet.
  • Friends! Most people have at least one good friend and my advice is to look after your friends, because they are there to give you strength. If you have friends that get you down, then don’t see them. Meet up with friends who are positive!
  • Learn! Enrich your life by taking up a hobby of some sort. In my experience, everyone has a hidden talent. In my case, it was making jewellery and it is something that I will enjoy for the rest of my life. Whether or not it is watercolour painting or exercise, think about what you would like to do if you could choose anything!
  • Be friendly! I have found that being friendly to everyone I meet, makes people want to talk to me.
  • Read! If you enjoy reading as much as I do, then set aside some time to read books that you have always wanted to read.
  • Dance! Put on your favourite music and dance!
  • Spoil yourself! Indulge yourself at least once a week. It does not have to be expensive! My favourite indulgent is a scented bath, a glass of champagne and a good book. What is yours?

This list could go on forever, but bear in mind that life is too short to suffer from loneliness. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Open up your mind and set yourself a goal to make every day special.

Feeling Lonely Help in our Forums

Apathy Definition, Help with Feelings of Apathy

Apathy Definition: Apathy (also called impassivity or perfunctoriness) is a state of indifference, or the suppression of emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation and passion. An apathetic individual has an absence of interest or concern to emotional, social, or physical life. They may also exhibit an insensibility or sluggishness.

Often, apathy has been felt after witnessing horrific acts, such as the killing or maiming of people during a war. It is also known to be associated with many conditions, some of which are: depression, Alzheimer’s disease, Chagas’ disease, Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, dementia, Korsakoff’s Syndrome, excessive vitamin D, Hypothyroidism, general fatigue, Huntington’s disease, Pick’s disease, progressive supranuclear palsy (PSP), schizophrenia, Schizoid Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder and others. Some medications and the heavy use of drugs such as heroin may bring apathy as a side effect.

In positive psychology, apathy is described as a response to an easy challenge for which the subject has matched skills. The opposite of apathy is flow.

Feeling Let Down Quotes

Disappointment hurts more than pain…

…American Proverb

A father’s disappointment can be a very powerful tool.

Michael Bergin

Hope is tomorrow’s veneer over today’s disappointment.

Evan Esar

First love is first love, first marriage is first marriage, disappointment is disappointment.

Maximilian Schell

Disenchantment, whether it is a minor disappointment or a major shock, is the signal that things are moving into transition in our lives.

William Throsby Bridges

Cause: Feeling let down, dissatisfied, unfulfilled or deserted.

Effect: A hollow feeling inside, disbelief, shock, hurt, anger and frustration.

Solutions: Share your feelings with friends, family or a counsellor.

Think about your expectations and whether or not they were unrealistic.

Don’t make big decisions until the initial hurt has passed.

Try not to blame people or lash out verbally. Forgive them.

Accept the disappointment, and don’t lose ambition.

Remember that the world is far from perfect. Try not to be bitter.

Decide to let go of the disappointment and recover.

Self Defeating Behaviors, The A’s

To conquer self defeating behaviour we need some form of order or path to follow. The A’s are a good way of centering the behaviour and our thinking, joining therapy247 offers help and advice with the following…

Acceptance

The more we deny or repress our affliction the worse it becomes, the more we try and run away from it the worse it gets.

Acceptance does not mean we agree or even like condone our affiliction,  but we do ourselves a favour by stopping wishing things were different .

The more we do not want to have the affliction the more it sticks and the worse it becomes. By not accepting our affliction we make our mindset worse.

So it helps to slow the mind down by accepting the affliction, start to see the affliction as a challenge and not as a halt to the quality of our life.

Attitude

A negative attitude will keep us in a negative mode, as mentioned start to see that affliction as a challenge and not as some monster that beats you every time.

The SAS – Special air service Motto is “Who Dares Wins” we have to dare in order to face our affliction. We have to learn to muster up courage, remember courage is not about being fearless, but more about going into a situation with the mouth dry, the hands shaking and the heart beating like hell, but still doing it. So attitude is important, a sense of “This is not going to beat me”. Regardless of our situation, whether that be, being dumped, panic attacks, shyness, it is the negative attitude that keeps us from having a good quality of life.

See your affliction as a challenge.

Action

If we think the same, react the same, want the same, expect the same, act the same, do the same, need the same , think the same, say the same, then we will FEEL the SAME !

We need action in order to transcend our problems – The simple answer is to practice opposites.

How do we practice opposites? By learning to undo the self defeating behaviour. The word is “Learning” . That is the great thing about therapy247.com you will be able to learn from other sufferers actions and attitudes. We see our affliction as a challenge and learn to over come it a day at a time. There is no rush easy does it.

Action starts when we open our eyes in the morning, our attitude and action will decide what sort of day we have.

It is better to move forward an inch than to stay stagnant – So do what you can today to face your affliction.

Awareness

Become aware of what therapy247.com has to offer, become aware that courage is not something outside of ourselves, but an attitude.

Become aware that you have to practice opposites in order to beat the affliction. In short if you do the opposite of yourself defeating behaviour patterns, then you will recover.

Application

Apply your plan or action to your daily routine. Do not just read something and think that is a good idea! Apply and action.

Think about keywords that will spur you on such as C.H.A.N.G.E. – G.N.A.T. – S.T.I.N.G.O. – B.E.E. – W.A.S.P. – F.L.Y. – A.N.T.

Avoidance

The more you avoid the places or the reality of your situation, the more you will stay the same.  We have to nuture courage to face our problems or to accept being dumped or such like.

An Agoraphobic will not get over Agoraphobia by staying indoors, someone who has been dumped in a relationship will not get over it by staying indoors and diving into self pity or disbelief. We have to face reality and that is either by action or by accepting the situation, remember the opposite of acceptance is a ‘spin dryer mind’!

So a lot of a little instead of little of a lot when it comes to recovery, face it an inch at a time, do it slowly and not in a hurried manner.

Allow

Allow yourself not to be perfect

Allow yourself to make mistakes

Allow yourself not to know all the answers

Allow yourself to have quality time

Allow yourself to give yourself compliments

Allow yourself to recover (You are worth it)

Allow other people to be what they are (If your happiness depends on what other people say or do you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life) Let them be as they are for your sanity.

Allow yourself to be angry at times (Do not let it go into full blown resentment)

Dealing with Loneliness, Advice

We are in the middle of a loneliness crisis which is ruining our health and causing low self esteem. Many people do not even realize that they are lonely. The problem is often categorized as low self esteem, when actually it is the loneliness which is causing the low self esteem. There has been a serious decline in people that are involved in church groups, political groups and other community organizations. Most of us don’t even socialize with our neighbors anymore. We are all so busy in this hectic and fast paced world that we have created, that we don’t take time out to create new friendships. It has been proven that loneliness has a lot of serious health consequences. People are more healthy and recover from illness faster when they have a close circle of friends and family. They are also more self confident and have higher self esteem because of the support and encouragement that can only come from close relationships.

No matter how busy our lives are, it is essential that we take the time to make room for others. Even if you are married, you still need to have other friends. You can’t expect only one relationship to meet all of your emotional requirements. When married couples only have each other as friends, loneliness and low self esteem soon creep in. To find friends who will be compatible, try joining clubs or groups that focus on your interests.

Strengthening your ties with your family is also very important. The more people you let into your life, the better it is for your health, well being and self esteem. It’s not always easy to get out of our comfort zone and meet new people. Sometimes it comes down to building our self confidence and self esteem up so we do have the courage to get out and do something different. Your low self esteem and loneliness will never go away unless you try. Start today.

Join our community and start dealing with loneliness by meeting new people.