Tag Archive for courage

Happiness Quotes

 

Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved! That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly.

LEO TOLSTOY, War and Peace

If one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere.

JANE AUSTEN, Mansfield Park

We ne’er can be

Made happy by compulsion.

SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE, The Three Graves

Happiness hates the timid! So does science!

EUGENE O’NEILL, Strange Interlude

Every object, every being, is a jar full of delight.

RUMI, Essential Rumi

It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.

CHUCK PALAHNIUK, Diary

Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is.

MAXIM GORKY, John Mason’s Know Your Limits

What is the worth of anything,
But for the happiness ’twill bring?

RICHARD OWEN CAMBRIDGE, Learning

Happiness consumes itself like a flame. It cannot burn for ever, it must go out, and the presentiment of its end destroys it at its very peak.

AUGUST STRINDBERG, A Dream Play

There is no truth more thoroughly established than that there exists in the economy and course of nature an indissoluble union between virtue and happiness.

GEORGE WASHINGTON, First Inaugural Address, Apr. 30, 1789

Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values.

AYN RAND, Atlas Shrugged

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.

ROBERT FROST, as quoted in Vernon McLellan’s Wise Words and Quotes

Give a man health and a course to steer; and he’ll never stop to trouble about whether he’s happy or not.

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW, Captain Brassbound’s Conversion

We can smile, breathe, walk, and eat our meals in a way that allows us to be in touch with the abundance of happiness that is available. We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive.

THICH NHAT HANH, Peace is Every Step

What we need for our happiness is often close at hand, if we knew but how to seek for it.

NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE, American Note-Books, Aug. 22, 1837

I kept looking for happiness, and then I realized: This is it. It’s a moment, and it comes, and it goes, and it’ll come back again. I yearn for things, but at the same time I’m just peaceful.

NICOLE KIDMAN, Vanity Fair, Oct. 2007

What is earthly happiness? that phantom of which we hear so much, and see so little; whose promises are constantly given and constantly broken, but as constantly believed; that cheats us with the sound instead of the substance, and with the blossom instead of the fruit. Like Juno, she is a goddess in pursuit, but a cloud in possession.

CHARLES CALEB COLTON, Lacon

Happiness expanded like an explosion inside me–so extreme, so violent that I wasn’t sure I’d survive it.

STEPHENIE MEYER, Breaking Dawn

Those who possess that treasure which no thief can take away,
Which, though on suppliants freely spent, increaseth day by day,
The source of inward happiness which shall outlast the earth–
To them e’en kings should yield the palm, and own their higher worth.

BHARTRHARI, “The Praise of the Wise Man”

How to gain, how to keep, how to recover happiness, is in fact for most men at all times the secret motive of all they do, and of all they are willing to endure.

WILLIAM JAMES, The Varieties of Religious Experience

Whatever the philosophers may say, it remains true that, from the first hour of man’s waking consciousness until that consciousness ceases, his most ardent desire is to be happy, and that the moment of his most profound regret is when he becomes convinced that on this earth perfect happiness cannot be found. Here is the problem which gives to the various ages of human history their special characters. Blithe are those ages when young and progressive nations still hope for happiness, or when men believe that in some new formula of philosophy, or of religion, or perhaps in some new industrial programme, the secret of human happiness has at last been found. Gloomy are those ages in which, as in our time, great masses of people are burdened with the conviction that all these familiar formulas have been illusions, and when persons of the keenest insight say–as they are now saying–that the very word happiness has in it a note of melancholy. No sooner, we are told, does one speak of happiness than it flees from him. In its very nature it lies beyond the sphere of practical realization.

KARL HILTY, Happiness: Essays on the Meaning of Life

The duty of happiness becomes clearer when we see how it affects others. It is the merry heart that makes the cheerful countenance, and it is the cheerful countenance that spreads cheer to make other hearts merry. The sunny soul brings sunshine everywhere. A bright and happy temperament is a great social asset, adding to the happiness of the world.

HUGH BLACK, Happiness

As the sea is beautiful not only in calm but also in storm, so is happiness found not only in peace but also in strife.

IVAN PANIN, Thoughts

The journey to true happiness and to happiness now is not a journey of physical distance or time; it is one of personal “self-recovery,” where we remember and reconnect consciously to an inner potential for joy–a paradise lost–waiting to be found.

ROBERT HOLDEN, Happiness Now: Timeless Wisdom for Feeling Good Fast

Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and can’t control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.

EPICTETUS, The Art of Living

Nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness.

ANDRE GIDE, Autumn Leaves

Surely happiness is reflective, like the light of heaven; and every countenance, bright with smiles, and glowing with innocent enjoyment, is a mirror transmitting to others the rays of a supreme and ever-shining benevolence.

WASHINGTON IRVING, Old Christmas

Happiness is the harvest of a quiet eye.

AUSTIN O’MALLEY, Keystones of Thought

To be happy you must be your own sunshine.

CHARLES EDWARD JERNINGHAM, The Maxims of Marmaduke.

Happiness quotes to download and share.

Low Self Esteem Advice

Low Self Esteem Advice and Definition

Webster’s dictionary defines self-esteem as a confidence and satisfaction in oneself; self-respect. Self-esteem (or self-image) is how you think and feel about yourself.

Someone with healthy self-esteem feels they are worthy and able to cope with life’s challenges. They have a positive, yet realistic view of themselves and their abilities. Even when things seem to go wrong, they are able to accept themselves and feel they are worthy. People with low self-esteem or low self-confidence doubt their abilities and have unrealistic expectations for themselves. Their sense of self-worth is excessively dependent on what others think and they often put themselves down or judge themselves very harshly.

To summarize, self-esteem is made up of the thoughts and feelings that you have about yourself and is influenced by the way you talk to yourself (i.e., your inner dialogue). As humans, one of our unique abilities is the awareness of ourselves. We are aware of what we do and our impact on others and ourselves. This ability allows us to live in a world with others and develop close relationships. Our internal voice judges our behavior on a daily basis and makes adjustments based on feedback from others. A person with low self-esteem has an overly critical voice with a negative slant; nothing is good enough, failures are highlighted and you are always criticized. Psychologist Eugene Sagan terms this voice “the pathological critic” – always looking for the negative and never seeing the positive.

How Does Self-Esteem Develop?

Our sense of ourselves develops throughout our lives. As infants and young children, much of our sense of self comes from our parents. When parents provide an accepting and nurturing environment, children develop a solid foundation on which to develop good feelings about themselves. If parents are excessively demanding or critical (or discourage moves toward independence), children may begin to doubt themselves and feel inadequate or unworthy. As children grow, attend school and develop peer relationships, successes and failures in these relationships affect self-esteem as well. Thus, the messages we are sent eventually become internalized and can become the messages we send ourselves. We then develop a set of assumptions and beliefs about ourselves based on prior experiences.

Critical Beliefs and Thought Patterns that Create Low Self-Esteem

There are many ways in which people talk to themselves. We may encourage ourselves during a difficult task, “Keep at it. You’re almost done. You can do it.” We may also talk to ourselves in a negative voice. Although it is important to evaluate ourselves accurately, if this voice is constant or very negative it can do harm to our self-esteem and is termed the “pathological critic”. The pathological critic keeps up a negative stream of self-talk. “You can’t do it. You’re stupid. You’ll never make it.” Frequent techniques used by the pathological critic which undermine self-esteem are:

Overgeneralization. If you did not do well in one situation, the pathological critic overgeneralizes to all situations – “I got a D on the quiz in Math today. I’m going to flunk that class and all the rest. I’ll never be able to graduate from college.”
Global Labeling.Your pathological critic uses pejorative labels to describe yourself rather than accurately describing your qualities. If you withdraw from a class you’re having difficulty in, you’re pathological critic may label you – “I’m a quitter. I never finish anything. I’m a loser.”
Minimization of the Positive.With the pathological critic, good things don’t count nearly as much as bad ones. You focus on the negative and discount the positive – “I won four tennis matches but lost one and that makes me feel terrible about myself.”
Comparing Yourself to Others.The pathological critic scans the room and finds the people who are better in some way. Person A is prettier, person B is smarter and person C is a better athlete. Somehow, these all get combined into one perfect person who has everything you should have and you are unworthy in comparison.
Ways to Improve Your Self-Esteem

Be Patient – Change takes time and is an ongoing process. Remember a time in the past when you learned a difficult skill. You didn’t learn to ride a bike or swim or rollerblade the first time out. It involved many attempts and many mistakes (and many bumps and bruises). Improving your self-esteem is the same kind of process.

Challenge your Pathological Critic

Notice the ways that you put yourself down. Make a list of the negative statements you make to yourself everyday.
Challenge each negative statement
a. “Just because I got a D on that test, doesn’t mean I won’t be able to graduate from college. I just need to talk to the professor and learn a new way of studying that material.”

b. “Dropping one class doesn’t mean I am a quitter. I’ve finished many other things in my life. It means that subject was difficult for me.”

Emphasize the Positive – Give yourself credit for everything you try, whether you succeed or not. Focus on the effort rather than on the end product.

Utilize “Thought Stopping” – When you find yourself thinking a negative thought about yourself, imagine a large stop sign and tell yourself to “STOP”. Switch to a more positive thought such as “I’m okay.” “I’m a good person”.

Set Realistic Goals – Start with small steps and give yourself credit for each little step you achieve. When your confidence is low, it takes an extra effort to even begin. Instead of worrying about being perfect, praise yourself for making an effort.

List the Positive – Make a list of positive things about yourself and post them in a place you see every day. Spend a few moments accepting the positive.

Fake it “Til You Make it – Tell yourself positive things even if you don’t believe them at first. Sometimes it may take awhile to see that you really are a worthwhile person, that others like you, and that you are succeeding.

Be Compassionate with Yourself – Frequently, we are more compassionate and accepting with others than with ourselves. Give yourself the same understanding and acceptance you give others.

Recommended Books to Read

Self-Esteem, Revised Edition. Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 1995. This book describes self-esteem and the negative messages we give ourselves. It follows with a discussion of ways to counter the “pathological critic” and how to deal with shoulds, mistakes, and criticism. Discussion of other techniques such as visualization and hypnosis are included

The Self-Esteem Companion: Simple Exercises to Help You Challenge Your Inner Critic and Celebrate Your Personal Strengths. Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning, Carole Honeychurch & Catharine Stuker, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 1999.

Ten Days to Self-Esteem. David D. Burns, NY: William Morrow, 1993. This workbook has many exercises focusing on the interrelationships of depression, anxiety and self-esteem. The emphasis is on self-exploration and on changing your moods through changing your thinking.

Cause: Constant criticism early in life; abuse or bullying by others.

Effect: Having low self esteem tends to make a person withdraw from social situations. You may feel you are in constant emotional turmoil and suffer from anxiety problems, eating disorders or depression. You may also find it difficult to function in social situations and impossible to accept compliments. People with low self esteem generally have low expectations from life and often neglect their physical and psychological health.

Solutions: Believe in a better opinion of yourself.

Do activities you enjoy on a regular basis.

Develop social skills and interact with other people.

Take credit for your successes.

Get Low Self Esteem Advice from our community.

Help with Bullying

Causes of Bullying

Bullies may be jealous, angry at something else or cowardly, and looking for someone to bear the brunt of their emotions. You may get picked on for being different, or because they think you will not hurt them back.

Effects of Bullying

Relentless name-calling, psychological or physical abuse can make you feel depressed, anxious, worthless, victimized or even suicidal. You may lose your confidence, have difficulty sleeping and suffer from stress-related illnesses.

Possible Solutions to bullying depending on circumstances

  • Confront the bullies and tell them how you feel.
  • Don’t give in to them.
  • Speak to someone in authority if the bullying is taking place at work or school.
  • Keep emails, texts and letters to use as evidence if necessary.
  • Remember it is not your fault.
  • Take assertiveness training.
  • Avoid being physical with bullies.
  • Join a support group.
  • Counselling may help you to regain your confidence.
  • Talk to someone YOU CAN TRUST to deal with the situation properly.
Try to act on your situation now. Leaving the situation can make it harder to tackle in future. Join our message board for support or leave a comment below.
UK Bullying Helpline: Tel: 0845 22 55 787
US Bullying Helpline: Tel: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Never suffer in silence, if you need help with bullying, talk to someone

Coping with Panic Attacks

Cause: A Panic attack may be the result of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They can also be caused by a specific phobic trigger, for example, if you have a phobia of spiders then seeing one may cause a panic attack. They can also occur for no obvious reason. Because a panic attack is a scary experience in itself, you fear having another, making the anxiety cycle worse.

Effect: During a panic attack, a person has an overwhelming sense of fear and may feel that they have lost touch with reality. Nausea, sweating, shaking, palpitations, a choking sensation and faintness are common symptoms, which usually peak within ten minutes.

Solutions: During a panic attack, it may be helpful to breathe in and out of your cupped hands, as this makes you re-breathe the excess oxygen you are taking in and reduces the frightening sensations of hyperventilation. Try to distract yourself by focusing on something you can see, or visualise yourself in a calm, safe place. Relaxation techniques such as yoga and meditation may help to prevent further attacks. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is another option, and SSRI antidepressants may help cases of severe Panic Disorder.

The help for a panic attack can come in a wide variety of forms. The most important first step for the individual sufferer is to form the determination to overcome the panic disorder. Once that has been accomplished, that individual will be able to live a life that is closer to normal.

A panic attack or a panic disorder frequently will result from a mental issue the person possesses. There are many varieties of panic attacks. They all seem to have one thing or another to do with the mind and the way an individual perceives things.

Doctors And Psychiatrists

We have determined that panic attacks result from our mental processes. Therefore, we need to consult with those doctors who have studied and learned about such things. Psychologists and psychiatrists are the primary specialists for people who suffer from panic disorders.

Seeking help for panic attacks disorders is something that individuals should do early on. The goal is to prevent the development of deeper issues and conditions. Those issues and conditions often are connected to panic disorders.

Our medical doctors usually will recommend the traditional methods of help for panic attack disorders. These traditional methods usually involve some therapy combined with medication.

The intention is to get the individual on the road to recovery, wellness and stability. You can expect the doctor to make a preliminary assessment before prescribing any methods of help for panic attacks.

Alternative Help For Panic Attacks

Alternative medicine has several different remedies for how to cure panic attacks. Alternative medicine usually places the focus more on the natural ways to treat these disorders.

Customarily herbs and some alternative methods are prescribed for people seeking help for panic attack disorders. There are numerous herbs that can naturally combat the anxious and fearful feelings people get during panic attacks.

In addition to the herbs, there are the alternative methods such as massage, aromatherapy, hypnosis, acupuncture and countless others. These alternative methods to provide help forpanic attacks disorders can be helpful to a certain extent.

There are several forms of panic attacks that cannot be treated readily with the alternative methods. That is because it takes time for some of the alternative methods to be effective. A few of these methods, such as hypnosis, can have lasting effects on people.

Get help coping with panic attacks

Been Dumped Advice

Breaking up is hard to do – but it’s something we all seem to go through at one time or another. Well most of us do anyway. It seems to affect us similarly whether we are young or old, famous or not, rich or poor and irrespective of where we are in the world. Below are a few suggestions that will hopefully help you decrease your recovery time and maybe minimize the amount of mistakes made along the way.

1) Don’t try to be their friend – make a “clean break”

As tempting as it is, if you are still in love with your EX, and he or she doesn’t reciprocate the feelings and intensity, then you’re better off making a clean break. I call it E.R. (”Emotional Rehab”) – which is basically just my way of saying “time to go cold turkey”.

Most people choose to ignore my advice, and remain their ex’s friend – somehow imagining if they do continue to be this wonderful, supportive friend, their EX will miraculously see the err of their ways – and take them back. That so seldom happens.

Now some of you will insist on remaining “friends” with your ex (or have to due to classes, jobs or children together), so if you are attempting this, be sure to set some ground rules. For example, do not discuss your former relationship, your new partners, or anything else that you know to be a potentially volatile subject. Resist every urge in you to ask those personal questions – most of the time the answers hurt! Keep conversations relevant to work, children or classes and away from any emotional topics. It is not easy, but it is achievable.

Eventually many non-believers come back to SYBD and say they finally had to take my advice and “cut contact”, because it really is too hard trying to be someone’s “buddy” – when you’re wanting more. This is especially true when your EX starts seeing someone new and starts asking you for advice (yes really!) or tries to share the gory details. No thanks. You’re better off saying – “I care for you, and maybe in time, when I am over the pain, we can resume a friendship.”

While it is rare, in some instances, absence DOES make the heart grow fonder and they do realize what they have been missing and reconciliation is on the cards. In others, the time apart actually serves to make you see the relationship for how it really was, and shocking as this may be to you right now, in time you just may realize you don’t want to be their friend after all! Finally, after you are over your EX and no longer harbor secret desires to get back together then you can really become “just friends”.

2) Do erase their telephone number from your mobile phone

As text messaging is such a HUGE thing, you’d be wise to delete their name and number from your mobile phone (and address book) straight away. You may also be able to bar their number from your phone too. Deleting your ex’s details will save you phoning or texting at 4am to ask “Why? Why? Why?” you were dumped, or save you from begging your ex, drunkenly, to take you back. That method seldom (if ever) works for reconciliation. It often has the adverse effect. Who enjoys getting woken up in the middle of the night by someone’s incoherent rantings? Or by being bombarded by text messages from someone that just doesn’t seem to get the hint.

3) Do delete their old emails and their handle from your online “buddy” lists

If you can bring yourself to DELETE all of the old emails between you, then do it. If that seems to drastic, at least put them onto a disc or burn them CD and put them somewhere where you won’t be tempted to continually re-read each one over and over. You just end up torturing yourself. I know I’ve done it!

Similarly to number two – remove and block them from your buddy lists. I know you think it’s a minor offense, even quite harmless, to keep in touch with your ex via email or instant messaging programs, but the only one you’re fooling is yourself. I’m guilty of that one too! Often you just end up spying on them, checking to see when they are on (and wondering who they are talking to if it’s not you!), analysing each message they send you, or worse yet, you get hurt when they tell you they are off “out” that night (and don’t say where). It’s an absolute nightmare, why put yourself through all that?

In a weird sort of way, keeping in touch electronically is a form of denial. It’s a way of staying in the relationship even when the other person isn’t physically there anymore.

After six months or so have passed, if you decide you want to, then you can add them back to your buddy list and allow them to see you again on theirs. Hopefully enough time will have past where you are better able to handle being in touch.

4) Don’t sit around staring at the mementos

Put away the letters, pictures and any personal belongings of your ex. Box them up and put them in a closet or somewhere equally out of sight. I have known some people to have ceremonial burnings, but that may be a bit drastic, and after you’re calmer and have healed, you may even regret it.

For starters, just box up all of the stuff until you feel ready to face it. Eventually you’ll be able to look at the holiday snaps without feeling sick to your stomach but not right now. In a year’s time, if you do still feel like torching the stuff, then do it somewhere safe – like the beach!

5) Do use a journal or notebook to vent your pain, anger, frustration & so forth

You should never underestimate the power of pouring the words out onto a page. This is even good for men. In fact, it’s generally exceptionally good for men, as a lot of men don’t have an outlet for their emotions and pain. During the healing process often we don’t feel like we are improving, and the notebook or diary will show you just how far you have come if you read it after a few weeks or months. It is incredibly cathartic and it just may stop you from saying things to your EX you may later regret. I highly recommend writing letters to your EX that you don’t actually send.

6) Do spoil yourself

This is something that both men and women can and need to do. Do something so simple as to having a manicure, facial or a massage. Or, maybe purchase that nifty gadget you’ve had your eye on. Both men and women can also benefit from picking up some new items of clothing that make us feel sexy. We all want to feel attractive. Treat yourself as you would want that someone ’special’ to treat you. Have candle lit dinners – with all of your favorite foods – just for you. You’re worth it.

7) Do buy new bedding & change your surroundings

It may sound silly but it’s very powerful step that you can take to cleanse the situation and start fresh. I have known some people to actually go out and buy whole new beds. If you can afford it, go for it. There is something to be said for sleeping in bedding with no history and no memories. The same can be said by changing the wallpaper or repainting an area – to make it more of your own. Surround yourself in your home with things that make you feel comfortable. Pictures of family and friends who really love you and support you are a very good start.

Don’t rebound

Give yourself plenty of time to heal from this break-up. Many people begin dating before they are really recovered. It is almost as if they get bored of the pain and the healing process, so they suddenly grab the next random person who happens to show a little kindness and BAM! It’s a fantastic theory but it doesn’t always work that way.

Try refrain from immediately trying to find someone to replace your EX and fill that void. Better to work through your pain fully before returning to the dating pool. While there is something to be said for rebound shags, they can sometimes do more harm than good. We’ve all heard “you can’t get over a man (or woman) until you get under another”. Don’t bet on it. Dating too soon often leads to comparisons to your EX, makes you feel lonelier than not dating did, and can actually set you back further, emotionally, than before you had started to date again. As much as we think this bright, sexy, intelligent person makes us feel so good, at the end of the day, they won’t really be able to fill this VOID in you. Only YOU can really make YOU happy. So the trick is to be happy within yourself before you start to date again.

9) Don’t listen to the negative self-talk

Once we have been dumped, there is a tendency slip into negative “self talk” and to worry about so many things: if we will ever be loved again, have sex again, trust again or perhaps we worry we are too old, too fat, too dumb or too anything…to ever be happy and fulfilled again. That is highly unlikely, so relax! Dispel thoughts like that immediately and replace them with positive affirmations of your own self worth.

Remember, just because your EX may no longer find you desirable or want to be in a relationship with you, doesn’t mean that no one else ever will. It just means your EX doesn’t. So what? You are still you. You are still whole, complete and perfect just as you are and it will do you good to keep reminding yourself of that.

10) Do take charge of your life – the world is your oyster

Use your time to alone to focus on yourself and your own goals in life. You can take a course in cooking, pick up a new hobby or learn seroc dancing – whatever you want. Buy a house, a motorcycle, travel the world, retrain for a new career or go for that promotion. The world is your oyster!

Get up off the sofa as soon as you can. While some regrouping time is necessary, at some point you should try to get in yourself back in shape and back in the land of the living. If you’ve lost a lot of weight (due to that lack of appetite!) then it’s time to put it back on – and vice versa. Start eating right and treating your body with the respect it deserves -it’s not the one who dumped you! Go running, walking, biking or to the gym to get the endorphins swimming through you. You’ll feel better if you do and you will project that to all you meet.

How will I know when I am really over my ex?” A good gauge is if you no longer harbor feelings and desires of getting back together. Not only that, but you can actually think of your EX having sex with someone else and it doesn’t feel like your heart’s just been ripped out of your chest and was stomped on.

Have you been dumped? Get advice from our friendly forum.

Apathy Definition, Help with Feelings of Apathy

Apathy Definition: Apathy (also called impassivity or perfunctoriness) is a state of indifference, or the suppression of emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation and passion. An apathetic individual has an absence of interest or concern to emotional, social, or physical life. They may also exhibit an insensibility or sluggishness.

Often, apathy has been felt after witnessing horrific acts, such as the killing or maiming of people during a war. It is also known to be associated with many conditions, some of which are: depression, Alzheimer’s disease, Chagas’ disease, Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, dementia, Korsakoff’s Syndrome, excessive vitamin D, Hypothyroidism, general fatigue, Huntington’s disease, Pick’s disease, progressive supranuclear palsy (PSP), schizophrenia, Schizoid Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder and others. Some medications and the heavy use of drugs such as heroin may bring apathy as a side effect.

In positive psychology, apathy is described as a response to an easy challenge for which the subject has matched skills. The opposite of apathy is flow.

Embarrassment Help, Coping with Feeling Embarrassed

Causes of Embarrassment 

Loss of poise or self-control, feeling incompetent, receiving public praise or criticism, or having people intrude on your private life can all make you feel embarrassed. It may be something as simple as dropping your shopping on the bus. Other situations include making a mistake during a work presentation, having rumours spread about your love life, or saying something taboo at a social event.

Effects of Embarrassment

Blushing, sweating, feeling exposed, self-conscious and intensely uncomfortable. You may be unable to make eye contact with people and go out of your way to avoid them.

Solutions to Embarrassment 

Remember that everybody is human. Try to see the funny side of the embarrassing situation. Chat to friends about it, then put it out of your mind. Read the ‘embarrassing moments’ page in a magazine. Apologize if appropriate, and fix any damage you have caused.

Embarrassment Help in our messageboard

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Help

Group therapy helps you build relationships with others who understand what you’ve been through, PTSD groups have a number of advantages, including provision of a natural support group, the ability to reach more patients, and greater cost efficiency. It can also help you feel more in control of your emotions, have fewer symptoms, and enjoy life again.

A growing percentage of PTSD patients now receive successful treatment as more is learned about the condition and multiple therapies are employed to fight its often-devastating effects on health and quality of life. Group therapy is one of those therapies, which have been found very beneficial, as the groups are usually rather small and the survivor can get to know and feel comfortable in small groups. So even therapists now are suggesting group therapy as a form of processing the trauma.

Sharing with the group also can help you build self-confidence and trust. The participants with trauma-related symptoms and depression in a group can also improved significantly on trauma-related symptoms and depression, it can also reduce symptoms by encouraging the affected person to talk about the event, to express feelings, and share their experience of the event.

One reason that treatment is often unsought by victims of the condition is that virtually any address or discussion of the offending trauma is bound to be quite painful, and stirs in the victim memories and emotions tied back to the event. This is where a group has its advantages, they do not need to sign up or fill out any forms, or feel that attending the group will be traced back to them, for employment reasons or family reasons; it all very antonymous

It is recommended that at the beginning of each PTSD group meeting that an inspirational reading or other form of centering is done for the survivors, it is best if this is something non-denominational as any sort of affiliation to groups or religions can feel like a threat to them. Then at the close of the meeting another type of closing so that all the attendees can get emotional balance prior to leaving.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is experienced by more than 10 million people in the US according to the National Institutes of Health, and that number is growing with veterans returning from war; so group meetings have a beneficial effects for the psychological distress, depression, anxiety and social adjustment for the survivors. It is also very cost effective and many are unable to hold steady, productive employment.

Self Defeating Behaviors, The A’s

To conquer self defeating behaviour we need some form of order or path to follow. The A’s are a good way of centering the behaviour and our thinking, joining therapy247 offers help and advice with the following…

Acceptance

The more we deny or repress our affliction the worse it becomes, the more we try and run away from it the worse it gets.

Acceptance does not mean we agree or even like condone our affiliction,  but we do ourselves a favour by stopping wishing things were different .

The more we do not want to have the affliction the more it sticks and the worse it becomes. By not accepting our affliction we make our mindset worse.

So it helps to slow the mind down by accepting the affliction, start to see the affliction as a challenge and not as a halt to the quality of our life.

Attitude

A negative attitude will keep us in a negative mode, as mentioned start to see that affliction as a challenge and not as some monster that beats you every time.

The SAS – Special air service Motto is “Who Dares Wins” we have to dare in order to face our affliction. We have to learn to muster up courage, remember courage is not about being fearless, but more about going into a situation with the mouth dry, the hands shaking and the heart beating like hell, but still doing it. So attitude is important, a sense of “This is not going to beat me”. Regardless of our situation, whether that be, being dumped, panic attacks, shyness, it is the negative attitude that keeps us from having a good quality of life.

See your affliction as a challenge.

Action

If we think the same, react the same, want the same, expect the same, act the same, do the same, need the same , think the same, say the same, then we will FEEL the SAME !

We need action in order to transcend our problems – The simple answer is to practice opposites.

How do we practice opposites? By learning to undo the self defeating behaviour. The word is “Learning” . That is the great thing about therapy247.com you will be able to learn from other sufferers actions and attitudes. We see our affliction as a challenge and learn to over come it a day at a time. There is no rush easy does it.

Action starts when we open our eyes in the morning, our attitude and action will decide what sort of day we have.

It is better to move forward an inch than to stay stagnant – So do what you can today to face your affliction.

Awareness

Become aware of what therapy247.com has to offer, become aware that courage is not something outside of ourselves, but an attitude.

Become aware that you have to practice opposites in order to beat the affliction. In short if you do the opposite of yourself defeating behaviour patterns, then you will recover.

Application

Apply your plan or action to your daily routine. Do not just read something and think that is a good idea! Apply and action.

Think about keywords that will spur you on such as C.H.A.N.G.E. – G.N.A.T. – S.T.I.N.G.O. – B.E.E. – W.A.S.P. – F.L.Y. – A.N.T.

Avoidance

The more you avoid the places or the reality of your situation, the more you will stay the same.  We have to nuture courage to face our problems or to accept being dumped or such like.

An Agoraphobic will not get over Agoraphobia by staying indoors, someone who has been dumped in a relationship will not get over it by staying indoors and diving into self pity or disbelief. We have to face reality and that is either by action or by accepting the situation, remember the opposite of acceptance is a ‘spin dryer mind’!

So a lot of a little instead of little of a lot when it comes to recovery, face it an inch at a time, do it slowly and not in a hurried manner.

Allow

Allow yourself not to be perfect

Allow yourself to make mistakes

Allow yourself not to know all the answers

Allow yourself to have quality time

Allow yourself to give yourself compliments

Allow yourself to recover (You are worth it)

Allow other people to be what they are (If your happiness depends on what other people say or do you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life) Let them be as they are for your sanity.

Allow yourself to be angry at times (Do not let it go into full blown resentment)

Stop Self Harming

Steps to Stopping Self Harm

Step 1
The very first step is telling yourself that you have a problem and admitting it. If you find yourself going for the knife, or hurting yourself another way whenever something bad happens, or if you do it just for the feeling – you have a problem. No matter if you just cut a few times, you still have a problem. Once again, please know that you’re not alone, and there is help out there for you.

Step 2
After you’ve realized that you have a problem, get out some paper. You need to talk with someone that you feel comfortable with and trust. On that paper write down the people you trust. Some don’t always feel good talking with family members first, so write down some close friends that wouldn’t tell anyone. Give them a call, and tell them what’s going on in your life. If you don’t trust anyone, talk with the person that’s in charge over you, rather that be your parents, aunt, foster family, etc. You don’t need to tell them what’s going on, but ask them if you can talk with a professional about something. If they start asking “what”, tell them that after you get professional help you might feel better telling them. You can always trust a professional counselor to guide you the right way. There are also free clinics that do help if you don’t have any money.

Step 3
When you’re talking with someone you might start craving to self harm yourself again. Sometimes the person you talk with might not be around. If this is happening, write your feelings down in a journal. Make sure to put the date, and time. Just write until the feelings stop. Later you can take the journal and show it to the person that’s helping you if you feel comfortable with that. When you’re finished writing and you still crave it find something to do. Watch TV, dance, listen to upbeat music, read a book, go out with some friends, find a new hobby, try collecting rocks, write poetry, role play online, write a thank you card to the person helping you, google and learn some new things on wikki, say positive statements like ” I no longer self harm and this is now behind me. ” or ” I am beautiful, and loved. ” Say those over and over. When you’re craving to cut do not get some food. This will create just another bad habit. Find something else to do.

Step 4
Do not talk, and say bad things about yourself. Don’t say “I will never get over this” and don’t call yourself ugly. Every person is beautiful in there own way. You might laugh at that and think “Yeah right” but it’s true. Each of us have gifts that go far beyond the eye can see. You are here for a reason. Just because you’ve not found your calling for life, or that special gift doesn’t mean that you’re not unique, or beautiful.

Step 5
Research online, and try finding some support groups. There are a lot of support groups that help people when they are struggling. If you don’t like groups, why not try forums or find a local support group in your area. Just type in your local area, and type in self harm support groups.

Step 6
Sometimes medications can make you even more depressed. If you’ve just been put on a new medication and find yourself wanting to self harm more please talk with your doctor. Chances are the new medication might not be working. If you’re not on any medicines, consider talking with your doctor and seeing what’s out there for help. If you don’t want any medicines there are a lot of herbs, and natural remedies to overcome depression that you could also talk with your doctor about, or research online.

Step 7
If you are a person that likes sports, and Exercise when you start wanting to self harm, go outside for a walk, or exercise inside. If you need to lose weight this will be great for you to do as well. If you like sports, go outside and throw the ball around, or do kick ball. See if you can find someone that would like to join you if not try doing some basketball.

Step 8
Meditation is another wonderful thing. If you’re having a hard time saying good things about yourself, find a quiet area of the house, turn on classical music, or change the lights, make them bright. Clear your mind, and focus on positive, and beautiful things such as nature, and your favorite animals. See the beauty of nature, and run free in the woods. Scream in your mind. Release your feelings. Cry during meditation if needed. Don’t hold feelings back. If it’s hard finding quiet time, just ask people not to disturb you for at least five or ten minutes.

Step 9
Cleaning helps a lot. Change the sheets on your bed, put some bright pictures up, dust, and tidy up. This will help you keep busy, and you’ll be so focused on cleaning that you’ll forget about wanting to self harm yourself. Plus it will make people around you very happy and who knows you might earn some money!

Step 10
If you’re a teenager, think about getting a job. A lot of places hire teens now for help, and plus you can even babysit. If you’re a guy and don’t want to babysit think about calling a local store and see if they have a teen program, and if you can help bag things.

Step 11
The very last thing I am going to say is that you should never hold your feelings in. If you don’t like crying – get over it and just release your feelings! Put away your pride for just a few seconds. Cut up a onion that will help make you cry if you have problems with that. Crying is a great way to let go of your feelings. Don’t feel ashamed if you cry to the person you talk with. That’s what they are there for! Once you cry, and let go – stop thinking about it and move on! Letting go of past failures, is one way to overcome depression. It’s in the past, and it’s time to let it stop bothering you in the “now”. You’re giving a past situation victory, and 9 times out of 10 the other people have already moved on from it as well. When you don’t let go of things think of all the people you’re hurting, and when you self harm yourself not only do you hurt yourself, but others around you. You are loved and cared about so please use these steps to stop hurting yourself, and become a victor!

Causes: Self harm is often a coping strategy for dealing with emotions like rage, sadness, grief, fear and guilt. People may feel they are getting rid of painful emotions. It may also be an attempt at self-punishment, or to gain control over situations and overwhelming feelings. Childhood trauma, abuse and bullying can cause people to self-harm, particularly if they repressed their emotions at the time.

Effects: Cutting yourself with a knife or razor, scratching, bruising, neglecting your physical and psychological health or abusing drugs or alcohol.

Solutions: Keep a diary of your feelings and how you cope with them. Identify what triggers you to self-harm.

Talk to your doctor, close friends, family or a counsellor.

Build your self-esteem and learn to respect your body.

Reduce stress in your life.

Exercise regularly as a way of coping with feelings.

Keep the phone numbers of friends and help-lines close by in case of a crisis.

Learn anger management techniques. Don’t turn anger on yourself.

Take up creative activities like drawing, painting or writing.

Discuss your self harming