Tag Archive for behaviour

Feeling Confused and Forgetful, Help

If you or someone you know is feeling confused and/or forgetful all of the time, speak to your doctor immediately.

Cause: Mental stress, lack of sleep, nutritional deficiencies, emotional shock, depression, head trauma, neurological disorders, mental illness, dehydration, lack of oxygen, poisoning, lowblood sugar or alcohol abuse.

Effect: You may be unable to think clearly or gather your thoughts together, feel disorientated, unsure of where you are or what you are doing, find it difficult to remember things and be unable to focus your attention.

Solutions: It’s important that you see your doctor to rule out serious medical conditions. Brain-training exercises like doing cross-words and memory games may help. Take a vitamin supplement and eat regular, nutritious meals. Cut out alcohol and avoid intoxicating substances such as cannabis.

Talk to someone about feeling confused and forgetful

Help with Debt and Overspending

People who overspend regularly are often trying to fill an emotional void. They get a buzz from shopping and feel a compulsive urge to keep spending money that they cannot afford.

You may feel guilty, anxious and depressed when you ring up large debts, and worry about how you will manage to pay them off. People who are in debt often continue to spend money as a form of escapism.

  • Do not stay in denial about your spending.
  • Keep a budget book and write down everything that you spend.
  • Contact a Debt Management Centre for advice on paying back your debts.
  • Do not buy things on impulse. Always think about purchases and take time to decide whether you really need it.
  • Avoid shopping centres and temptation.
  • Set strict limits on what you will spend each week and stick to them.

Feeling Lonely Help

Cause: Low self esteem, divorce, a relationship break-up or life circumstances that cause you to become cut off from other people.

Effect: Feeling isolated, empty and disconnected from others and the world around you. You might also feel abandoned, insecure, anxious, depressed, hopeless and resentful.

Solutions: Therapy will help you to understand why you are lonely, and teach you how to get rid of negative thoughts. Group therapy may also be helpful. Hypnosis or anti-depressants can help you to break the cycle. Join a club that interests you in order to meet likeminded people. Getting a pet will also provide you with company and something to focus on.

If you feel that you have nobody to talk to and your life feels empty then there are certain things you can do to get yourself out of this emotional black hole.

Many people that suffer from feeling lonely also suffer from low self-esteem. There is no easy way around this and if you want to overcome feeling lonely, then you have to work hard to get yourself out of it.

When I first moved to the UK some sixteen years ago, the feeling of loneliness was totally overpowering. I was happily married, but stuck in the house all day whilst my husband was at work. I ended up sitting in front of the telly and watching every soap opera going, whilst eating a copious amount of unhealthy food. I knew nobody apart from my English husband and I felt totally isolated. I realised that the only person to get myself out of the situation I was in was myself.

So, I enrolled in a full-time business course at a local college and it changed everything around. Suddenly, I was meeting people every day and I was quickly making friends.

As life goes by, we never find ourselves in the same situation. You may split up with your partner or suffer an illness. Life can throw lots of surprises your way, but there are ways of combating feeling lonely and I have listed some points below, which has over the years helped me getting out of feeling lonely:

  • Smile! My grandmother always used to say that ‘life is too short to go around looking miserable – you will have a much better chance of getting to talk to someone if you have a cheerful disposition’. Lets face it, nobody wants to be around someone who is miserable, so although you are not feeling 100% cheerful, put on a smile and be friendly with whomever you meet.
  • Friends! Most people have at least one good friend and my advice is to look after your friends, because they are there to give you strength. If you have friends that get you down, then don’t see them. Meet up with friends who are positive!
  • Learn! Enrich your life by taking up a hobby of some sort. In my experience, everyone has a hidden talent. In my case, it was making jewellery and it is something that I will enjoy for the rest of my life. Whether or not it is watercolour painting or exercise, think about what you would like to do if you could choose anything!
  • Be friendly! I have found that being friendly to everyone I meet, makes people want to talk to me.
  • Read! If you enjoy reading as much as I do, then set aside some time to read books that you have always wanted to read.
  • Dance! Put on your favourite music and dance!
  • Spoil yourself! Indulge yourself at least once a week. It does not have to be expensive! My favourite indulgent is a scented bath, a glass of champagne and a good book. What is yours?

This list could go on forever, but bear in mind that life is too short to suffer from loneliness. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Open up your mind and set yourself a goal to make every day special.

Feeling Lonely Help in our Forums

Feeling Let Down Quotes

Disappointment hurts more than pain…

…American Proverb

A father’s disappointment can be a very powerful tool.

Michael Bergin

Hope is tomorrow’s veneer over today’s disappointment.

Evan Esar

First love is first love, first marriage is first marriage, disappointment is disappointment.

Maximilian Schell

Disenchantment, whether it is a minor disappointment or a major shock, is the signal that things are moving into transition in our lives.

William Throsby Bridges

Cause: Feeling let down, dissatisfied, unfulfilled or deserted.

Effect: A hollow feeling inside, disbelief, shock, hurt, anger and frustration.

Solutions: Share your feelings with friends, family or a counsellor.

Think about your expectations and whether or not they were unrealistic.

Don’t make big decisions until the initial hurt has passed.

Try not to blame people or lash out verbally. Forgive them.

Accept the disappointment, and don’t lose ambition.

Remember that the world is far from perfect. Try not to be bitter.

Decide to let go of the disappointment and recover.

Embarrassment Help, Coping with Feeling Embarrassed

Causes of Embarrassment 

Loss of poise or self-control, feeling incompetent, receiving public praise or criticism, or having people intrude on your private life can all make you feel embarrassed. It may be something as simple as dropping your shopping on the bus. Other situations include making a mistake during a work presentation, having rumours spread about your love life, or saying something taboo at a social event.

Effects of Embarrassment

Blushing, sweating, feeling exposed, self-conscious and intensely uncomfortable. You may be unable to make eye contact with people and go out of your way to avoid them.

Solutions to Embarrassment 

Remember that everybody is human. Try to see the funny side of the embarrassing situation. Chat to friends about it, then put it out of your mind. Read the ‘embarrassing moments’ page in a magazine. Apologize if appropriate, and fix any damage you have caused.

Embarrassment Help in our messageboard

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Help

Group therapy helps you build relationships with others who understand what you’ve been through, PTSD groups have a number of advantages, including provision of a natural support group, the ability to reach more patients, and greater cost efficiency. It can also help you feel more in control of your emotions, have fewer symptoms, and enjoy life again.

A growing percentage of PTSD patients now receive successful treatment as more is learned about the condition and multiple therapies are employed to fight its often-devastating effects on health and quality of life. Group therapy is one of those therapies, which have been found very beneficial, as the groups are usually rather small and the survivor can get to know and feel comfortable in small groups. So even therapists now are suggesting group therapy as a form of processing the trauma.

Sharing with the group also can help you build self-confidence and trust. The participants with trauma-related symptoms and depression in a group can also improved significantly on trauma-related symptoms and depression, it can also reduce symptoms by encouraging the affected person to talk about the event, to express feelings, and share their experience of the event.

One reason that treatment is often unsought by victims of the condition is that virtually any address or discussion of the offending trauma is bound to be quite painful, and stirs in the victim memories and emotions tied back to the event. This is where a group has its advantages, they do not need to sign up or fill out any forms, or feel that attending the group will be traced back to them, for employment reasons or family reasons; it all very antonymous

It is recommended that at the beginning of each PTSD group meeting that an inspirational reading or other form of centering is done for the survivors, it is best if this is something non-denominational as any sort of affiliation to groups or religions can feel like a threat to them. Then at the close of the meeting another type of closing so that all the attendees can get emotional balance prior to leaving.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is experienced by more than 10 million people in the US according to the National Institutes of Health, and that number is growing with veterans returning from war; so group meetings have a beneficial effects for the psychological distress, depression, anxiety and social adjustment for the survivors. It is also very cost effective and many are unable to hold steady, productive employment.

Self Defeating Behaviors, The A’s

To conquer self defeating behaviour we need some form of order or path to follow. The A’s are a good way of centering the behaviour and our thinking, joining therapy247 offers help and advice with the following…

Acceptance

The more we deny or repress our affliction the worse it becomes, the more we try and run away from it the worse it gets.

Acceptance does not mean we agree or even like condone our affiliction,  but we do ourselves a favour by stopping wishing things were different .

The more we do not want to have the affliction the more it sticks and the worse it becomes. By not accepting our affliction we make our mindset worse.

So it helps to slow the mind down by accepting the affliction, start to see the affliction as a challenge and not as a halt to the quality of our life.

Attitude

A negative attitude will keep us in a negative mode, as mentioned start to see that affliction as a challenge and not as some monster that beats you every time.

The SAS – Special air service Motto is “Who Dares Wins” we have to dare in order to face our affliction. We have to learn to muster up courage, remember courage is not about being fearless, but more about going into a situation with the mouth dry, the hands shaking and the heart beating like hell, but still doing it. So attitude is important, a sense of “This is not going to beat me”. Regardless of our situation, whether that be, being dumped, panic attacks, shyness, it is the negative attitude that keeps us from having a good quality of life.

See your affliction as a challenge.

Action

If we think the same, react the same, want the same, expect the same, act the same, do the same, need the same , think the same, say the same, then we will FEEL the SAME !

We need action in order to transcend our problems – The simple answer is to practice opposites.

How do we practice opposites? By learning to undo the self defeating behaviour. The word is “Learning” . That is the great thing about therapy247.com you will be able to learn from other sufferers actions and attitudes. We see our affliction as a challenge and learn to over come it a day at a time. There is no rush easy does it.

Action starts when we open our eyes in the morning, our attitude and action will decide what sort of day we have.

It is better to move forward an inch than to stay stagnant – So do what you can today to face your affliction.

Awareness

Become aware of what therapy247.com has to offer, become aware that courage is not something outside of ourselves, but an attitude.

Become aware that you have to practice opposites in order to beat the affliction. In short if you do the opposite of yourself defeating behaviour patterns, then you will recover.

Application

Apply your plan or action to your daily routine. Do not just read something and think that is a good idea! Apply and action.

Think about keywords that will spur you on such as C.H.A.N.G.E. – G.N.A.T. – S.T.I.N.G.O. – B.E.E. – W.A.S.P. – F.L.Y. – A.N.T.

Avoidance

The more you avoid the places or the reality of your situation, the more you will stay the same.  We have to nuture courage to face our problems or to accept being dumped or such like.

An Agoraphobic will not get over Agoraphobia by staying indoors, someone who has been dumped in a relationship will not get over it by staying indoors and diving into self pity or disbelief. We have to face reality and that is either by action or by accepting the situation, remember the opposite of acceptance is a ‘spin dryer mind’!

So a lot of a little instead of little of a lot when it comes to recovery, face it an inch at a time, do it slowly and not in a hurried manner.

Allow

Allow yourself not to be perfect

Allow yourself to make mistakes

Allow yourself not to know all the answers

Allow yourself to have quality time

Allow yourself to give yourself compliments

Allow yourself to recover (You are worth it)

Allow other people to be what they are (If your happiness depends on what other people say or do you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life) Let them be as they are for your sanity.

Allow yourself to be angry at times (Do not let it go into full blown resentment)

Help with Summer Depression

Cause: The cause is unknown, but thought to be linked to an increased amount of sunlight and higher temperatures. People may feel overwhelmed and exposed by the increase in daylight hours.

Effects: Summer depression can cause a low mood, loss of interest and enjoyment in activities, anxiety, insomnia, irritability, agitation, intolerance to heat, decreased appetite and weight loss, increased sex drive and thoughts of suicide. You may feel the need to stay indoors with the curtains closed.

Solutions: Talking about your feelings, counselling and anti-depressants may help. Include plenty of fresh fruit and salads in your diet, take cool showers, and use fans or air-conditioning to prevent overheating. If you feel the need to stay indoors, take up new indoor interests such as reading, crafts, music and creative projects.

Prevalence of Summer Depression

Summer SAD is thought to affect less than 1% of the US population. These sufferers appear to live in hotter regions and, as is the case with other depressive disorders, they are more likely to be female. It is hard to determine the true number of sufferers and significance of gender variation, as people may feel uncomfortable coming forward. Some may manage their symptoms themselves, without seeking advice.

Treatment for Summer Depression

The symptoms of summer depression may have a significantly negative impact on sufferers’ lives, making it difficult for them to function. As with the causes, there is very little evidence on how best to treat to treat summer SAD, though a few possible treatments have been highlighted by researchers.

Sufferers often attribute their symptoms to the summer heat, reporting relief from symptoms by staying indoors and keeping cool. Some find relief in air-conditioned environments and/or taking regular cold showers.

So far, summer SAD has been shown to respond to antidepressant medication, which helps to elevate mood by altering levels of certain neurotransmitters, such as serotonin. These chemicals are strongly linked to mood and have shown to be effective in treating other types of depression, including winter SAD. Since it may take several weeks for antidepressants to kick in, a doctor may suggest beginning a course of medication in the late winter, before the onset of symptoms.

In non-seasonal depression and winter SAD, sticking to a healthy diet, doing regular exercise and accessing talking treatments have all been shown to be helpful, though it is unclear if these will help summer SAD sufferers.

For some self-help strategies, including information on sleep and diet, read Self-help for Summer Depression. Anyone suffering symptoms of summer SAD should seek advice from a qualified health professional.

Get Help with Summer Depression

Lack of Sex Drive

Lack of Sex Drive Causes

Emotional stress, depression, anxiety, hang-ups from past, sexual abuse, lack of privacy, anaemia, alcoholism, drug abuse, certain prescription medications, hormonal changes and the trauma of childbirth.

Effects: Reluctance to have sex, no interest in sex, feeling angry or frustrated with your partner, not enjoying sex, and relationship difficulties.

Lack of Sex Drive Solutions

Counselling,

psycho-sexual therapy,

‘Desire Cream’; increases blood flow to the genitals,

‘EROS’ suction device,

‘Intrinsa’ testosterone skin patch.

SheKnows.com: What exactly is libido?

Kelli Young: Libido refers to one’s sex drive or appetite for sexual activity, either alone or with a partner. A woman’s libido encompasses her sexual thoughts, fantasies, desires and interest in engaging in sexual behaviors.

SheKnows.com: Is there such thing as a normal sex drive?

Kelli Young: In a word… no. There really is no such thing as a “normal” sex drive. Women vary greatly in their desire for sex. It is not uncommon to experience a temporary decline in sex drive and, in fact, many women do at various times in their lives.

SheKnows.com: When should a woman worry about her libido?

Kelli Young: If a woman notices that this drop in sex drive persists, or that her formerly normal sex drive is gone completely, it may be cause for concern. In medical terms, low sex drive, or hypoactive sexual desire disorder, is defined as a persistent or recurrent lack of sexual fantasies, thoughts and/or interest in sexual activity that causes personal distress. Women experiencing low desire may notice signs such as: a decline in the frequency of sexual thoughts and fantasies; reduced sexual desire; reluctance to initiate or engage in sex; and less frequent masturbation.

Many factors dampen sexual desire

SheKnows.com: What can affect a woman’s sex drive? Why does it change?

Kelli Young: All women will notice natural and normal fluctuations in their sexual appetites over time. Many of these changes result from hormonal fluctuations (during menstruation, pregnancy, perimenopause, etc.) and may affect a woman’s body image and self-image (she may feel less desirable or sexy, and, in turn, less sexual).

Lack of arousal can also be associated with insufficient vaginal lubrication, which can lead to vaginal irritation or pain and may even trigger vaginal or urinary tract infections. When sex is unfulfilling or painful, a woman is unlikely to desire it, and she may begin to fear or avoid it.

Many physical and mental illnesses can negatively affect a woman’s libido, as can the medications often used to treat these illnesses. Several medications have serious sexual side effects.

Lifestyle, nutrition and stress level can also play a role in dampening sexual desire. The demands of juggling work, family and other responsibilities can be exhausting and overwhelming; there may be little energy and enthusiasm left for sex. Negative sexual experiences can also impact a woman’s enjoyment of and desire for sex. Finally, relationship problems and difficulties in communication can have a major detrimental influence on a woman’s sex drive.

Natural ways to liven your libido

SheKnows.com: How can a woman increase her libido/sex drive?

Kelli Young: There are some relatively simple steps women can take to improve their libido.

These may include:

Talk to a doctor. Consult with a medical and/or naturopathic professional who can test for, and treat, potential underlying illnesses or physiological causes of low libido. If you are prescribed medications, be sure to discuss possible sexual side effects. Sometimes, an equally effective medication can be prescribed that has fewer (or no) sexual side effects.

Consider a natural libido supplement. Many women have noted significant improvement in vaginal lubrication and sensitivity while using a natural libido supplement, such as FemMED’s Libido formula.

Get to know your own body, sexually. Self-stimulation (masturbation) can be an excellent way for a woman to develop a good understanding of the types of stimulation she finds arousing.
Use a water-based lubricant. Even if you have adequate natural lubrication, the extra slipperiness afforded by a water-based lubricant can be highly arousing for women and their partners!

Make lifestyle adjustments. Moderate exercise and a healthy diet are vital to maintaining a good sex drive. Chronic dieting can have a devastating impact on your energy level, metabolism and body image. Moreover, diets that are very low in fat are particularly problematic because your body needs some fat to make hormones such as testosterone, a hormone essential for sexual drive and response. Yoga, mindful meditation and courses in assertiveness and stress management can also help women acquire important tools to deal with the daily stressors that can dampen one’s sexual desire.

Do Kegels. Kegel exercises strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which can improve sensation and enhance sexual pleasure.

Address relationship issues. The quality of a relationship, particularly a couple’s communication, has a significant impact on their sexual satisfaction.

Seek counseling when necessary. At times, it may be helpful to seek counseling from a sex therapist or couples counselor skilled in addressing sexual issues.

Coping with OCD

If you have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), you feel you have no control over certain thoughts, idea or urges, which seem to force themselves into your mind, like a stuck record. These thoughts – obsessions – are often frightening or distressing, or seem so unacceptable that you can’t share them with others. Contained within the obsession is an underlying belief that you, or other people, may come to harm. However absurd or unrealistic this belief, you can’t dismiss it or reason it away. It creates unbearable anxiety, and makes you feel helpless to do anything except perform the particular ritual which can neutralise the devastating thought.

The irresistible urge to carry out such rituals is known as a ‘compulsion’. This could be something like repeatedly opening and closing a door, washing hands, repeating a litany, or counting. In other words, exaggerated elements of everyday actions and routines. You may feel compelled to do these actions over and over again, because of an unquenchable fear that you didn’t do it properly last time, or because the unwanted thoughts intrude again. The relief from the anxiety is only temporary.

OCD is similar to a phobia, which is another anxiety disorder. In both cases, fear brings on symptoms of anxiety and panic, including a racing heart, churning stomach, dizziness, shortness of breath, sweating and trembling. A phobia also involves an exaggerated fear of something that doesn’t represent a realistic danger, but other people can usually relate to it, or even share it. But with OCD the fear is of your own thoughts, and other people may not be able to relate to this or understand them at all. What’s more, someone who has a phobia can avoid the thing that triggers their phobia, such as cats or spiders, but with OCD, these devastating thoughts are unavoidable, and are constantly ready to emerge.

OCD isn’t a psychotic disorder, such as schizophrenia, whereby people feel that certain thoughts and ideas come from somewhere outside themselves (hallucinations). If you have OCD, you know that it s your own thoughts tormenting you. Some people only experience obsessive thoughts, without having any compulsions. Others have compulsions without knowing why they feel the need to do them.

The anxiety caused by experiencing obsessions and compulsions feeds back into the problem, creating a vicious circle and making the OCD worse. Often, people with OCD are also depressed, and this may also be partly or wholly due to the experiene of OCD.

Causes: OCD sometimes occurs for no reason, but it may be triggered by stressful life events. It can be caused by a lack of serotonin in the brain. It also tends to run in families, suggesting that some people have a genetic predisposition to OCD.

Effect: People with OCD are tormented by unwanted thoughts and feel compelled to carry out rituals to free themselves of these thoughts. For example, you may be very worried that there are germs on your hands, and to make yourself feel better you wash them. Washing relieves your anxiety for a while, so it becomes a ritual. This creates a vicious cycle and you might wash your hands twenty or more times an hour, even when your skin is raw from scrubbing. Other OCD behaviours include counting objects, checking switches are turned off and doors are locked, or rearranging furniture so it is symmetrical. If a person cannot carry out their rituals, they feel panicky and fear that a disaster will happen.

Explore these Possible Solutions

The first step is breaking the cycle. Remind yourself that your desire to carry out a ritual is a symptom of OCD, and will not protect you from harm. When you have resisted a compulsion a few times, it will get easier

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy may help

Anti-Depressants

Coping with OCD Help and Advice